Straight Talk

What does it take to get straight with someone? By straight, I mean leaving all the water cooler talk at the door. We think this is an easy task, yet day after day we speak with those in our life with a filter, a barrier. You know the giraffe standing between you and vulnerability. Over the past couple of days it is apparant how often I let the giraffe in the room come in between my relationships with those in my life. I find that I am often stopped by the things I really want to say for fear of the reaction or outcome. This same fear has kept me from writing, or sharing what little writings I have with anyone. I usually just revert back to my ways of being with them, you know the how's the weather conversation. All the while I yearn to feel connected.

Today I had an epiphany around my communication and relating to those around me. Lately I have been sharing myself with those I know and those I hope to build better relationships with. This has been a confronting yet amazing experience for me. At first talking straight was not an easy and freeing experience. Everything I fear was staring me right in the face; looking bad, rejection, sounding stupid or crazy, being offensive, insensitive, and the list goes on for days. I realize that the only difference between being ordinary and extraordinary with the ones I love is letting go of all my preconceived notions.

Graceful Lace

HAHA.....So summer is upon us, well in Arizona at least. Sorry to point that out to all of you freezing your asses off in other parts of the country...hehe! While getting ready this morning it became very apparent the grace and poise I possess. In a haze at 5:00AM (all of you that know me are laughing to the point of tears right now), that's right I get up at 5:00AM...ridiculous. OK back to the useless point of this entry. After putting my shorts on I looked down and much to my disbelief.... bruises, cuts, scratches....good lord I've been kicking my own ass lately. Taking it one step further, I don't even remember where most of these bruises came from. Well, I can thank the cuts and scratches to Camelback Mountain. Thank you Camelback Mountain I obviously need your help in beating the crap out of myself. After grabbing my morning coffee and getting on my way to work I couldn't help but laugh out loud, I am the biggest klutz in the world. I run into stuff so often I am oblivious to it occurring. Maybe a quiet "thank you" to the table or "that will leave a mark", nothing more than a brief moment of recognition. This may all seem irrelevant, in fact my laughter died hours ago until yet another "Lacy moment" not even ten minutes ago. While dancing around my office (in the midst of filing) I tripped over my own two feet, kicked myself in the shin, and almost fell flat on face, or shall I say on top of the dog. No, on top of the dog is not a metaphor, my bosses dog sleeps in the office all day or should I say attempts to sleep. I am just now writing ten minutes later because it took all of eight minutes to contain my laughter. After the dust had settled I felt inclined to share an opportunity for a fantastic laugh out loud Lacy moment. Welcome to my world!

I now understand why my family used to call me "grace".

"Those who can laugh at themselves shall never cease to be amused"

The Starfish Flinger

As the old man walked the beach at dawn, he noticed a young man ahead of him picking up starfish and flinging them into the sea. Finally catching up with the youth, he asked "Why are you doing this."
His reply "The stranded starfish will die if left until the morning sun."
The old man "But the beach goes on for miles and there are millions of starfish, how can your effort make any difference?"
The young man looked at the starfish in his hand and then threw it to safety in the waves,
"It made a difference to that one."
~Unkown~

Never underestimate the power, impact and difference you make for everyone around you. As my good friend Sprock says "people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime, enjoy the season." Give everything of yourself with no predetermined expectations. Love with an open heart, listen with an open mind, provide a space for freedom. Know that you make a difference for others, one at a time, you make a difference.

Breathe Life into Every Moment

Through yet another enlightening conversation with my good friend Jade I ponder "What happens when we live so far into the future we forget to live for today?" What does it take to actually live in the moment?
One thing I realized from our conversation is everyday I plan for tomorrow. I visualize what tomorrow will look like, the happiness it will bring. Trapped in tomorrow I forget to live for today, embrace the reality that these are the moments I've been waiting for, this is my life, my today. Somewhere along the journey of leaving the past and planning for the future, I have overlooked one major detail...how to live for today. Although I do believe it is important to plan for tomorrow, it is more important to embrace today. To breathe life into every little moment, this is to truly live in the moment.

Seek and you shall find

As most in my life know for the last year I have been on a mission...to find myself that is. A year ago March 7th I took my life back. I know this may sound dramatic however it is the truth in my eyes. Over the course of three days my world twisted, turned and flipped....to the point colors seemed brighter. There was nothing that I couldn't overcome if I only wished to dig and face the very things that held me prisoner all these years. Twenty two years of being held prisoner to my own reasons and rational thinking. Conditional love, everything a comparison to the past, blaming others and powerless. There are but a million different lessons and answers I've found within myself over the course of the last year. At first there were days when I couldn't even recognize the woman staring back in the mirror. Throughout the last year this has become me, who I am and I do not see the huge transformation.
Interesting how just when you think that you have conquered your demons and the world is yours for the taking, we come face to face with yet another demon, another war. I fight no more. This is but the beauty of it all. I no longer fight with my own reasons of why I am not good enough, a leader, extraordinary, etc... well at least not today. Here is the thing...I am free! Although I know tomorrow I will come against yet another wall to tear down, tearing down walls can be fun. With every brick I find yet another piece of me. Each brick is another piece of the puzzle and with everyone of them I find courage, love, integrity, trust, acceptance and even my faults. Seek and you shall find the freedom you deserve.